Does being a mother come naturally?
Many doctors will tell you that it is perfectly normal to feel some amount of sadness postpartum. They will even tell you that you may feel disappointment and worry after your new baby arrives. This behavior is understandable and even normal for many women. However, doctors will tell you next, that if your "baby blues" last beyond two or three weeks after having your baby, something could be wrong. You could be experiencing postpartum depression (PPD). I have to say that my unhappiness definitely lasted longer than just a couple weeks after having my son. My usual reaction to most things is to worry, so of course, having a baby set me into a tailspin. I had to learn how to do so many things that I thought I already knew how to do (feed him, change him, bathe him, rock him...etc). I may have expected these things to come naturally or for my motherly instincts to kick in, but they did not. Why was this so hard for me? Why did simple tasks like getting him dressed seem overwhelming?
Perhaps I was wrong about the whole "mother" thing. I dreamed of being a naturally loving and nurturing mother, and I got so caught up in blissful motherhood that I overlooked the fact that being a mother is NOT instinctual. Not at all. In fact, being a mother takes work. Hard work. Once I realized that real grunt work would be required, I began to get used to the daily grind of motherhood and having a small baby who constantly needs me. I was never formerly diagnosed with PPD, nor am I convinced that I had it, but I exhibited many of the symptoms. It has taken me a couple of months to feel at peace with everything. That's not to say that I don't still have crazy days because I DO.
I want all women who have children or want to have children to remember that there is no perfect mother. There will be guilt over things that didn't get done or things that were never said. Guilt can consume you from the inside out. I dealt with guilt for several weeks over the difficulties of breastfeeding and not using cloth diapers. I had built myself up to be Supermom that I forgot to focus on what's really important - taking care of my son. I have let go of the notion that a bottle-fed baby in disposable diapers can't grow up in a loving home. I must have been crazy to set such high (and ridiculous) standards for myself. Instead, I am starting to focus on the Lord and what His plans are for me. He has opened my eyes to see what works for me and how I can still (readily and successfully) glorify Him while being at home. People are what's important-- my husband and my son. The race for perfection is a futile one at best.
Remember, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?" -Matthew 6: 25-7
Perhaps I was wrong about the whole "mother" thing. I dreamed of being a naturally loving and nurturing mother, and I got so caught up in blissful motherhood that I overlooked the fact that being a mother is NOT instinctual. Not at all. In fact, being a mother takes work. Hard work. Once I realized that real grunt work would be required, I began to get used to the daily grind of motherhood and having a small baby who constantly needs me. I was never formerly diagnosed with PPD, nor am I convinced that I had it, but I exhibited many of the symptoms. It has taken me a couple of months to feel at peace with everything. That's not to say that I don't still have crazy days because I DO.
I want all women who have children or want to have children to remember that there is no perfect mother. There will be guilt over things that didn't get done or things that were never said. Guilt can consume you from the inside out. I dealt with guilt for several weeks over the difficulties of breastfeeding and not using cloth diapers. I had built myself up to be Supermom that I forgot to focus on what's really important - taking care of my son. I have let go of the notion that a bottle-fed baby in disposable diapers can't grow up in a loving home. I must have been crazy to set such high (and ridiculous) standards for myself. Instead, I am starting to focus on the Lord and what His plans are for me. He has opened my eyes to see what works for me and how I can still (readily and successfully) glorify Him while being at home. People are what's important-- my husband and my son. The race for perfection is a futile one at best.
Remember, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?" -Matthew 6: 25-7
posted by Crystal @ 7:45 AM
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